http://blog.irent2u.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/helping.jpgThis is an essay that I first wrote at the start of this class and the bottom is the one at the end of the class. Same thing but different.
Original Essay
No TitleCinderella had her fairy godmother, others are said to have a guardian angel at their side during at a time of great need. But for me it was a person that I thought would never cross paths with me the way we did. I didn’t have a fairy godmother like Cinderella, but I had Mike McFarland, or the name that I dubbed him, Mr. Mike. Mr. Mike came into my life when there was nothing else for me and I thought all hope was gone. He was my sliver lining in my darkest moment, he got me on the right path to change my life.
I started talking to Mr. Mike about a year ago when he was recruiting me to come to Virginia Wesleyan to play soccer for him on a soccer scholarship. During this time I was getting offers from Division I schools like ODU, Mason, JMU, and others. Wesleyan didn’t interest me very much. Mr. Mike would call me and we would talk now and then. I wanted to show respect so I listened to what he had to say to say. Then I started doing badly in school, the biggest mistake in my life. My grades started to drop and Division I soccer wasn’t an option for me anymore. Wesleyan was the only place that I felt I could come and play soccer. On our regular phone calls Mr. Mike and I would have long conversations just talking about life. Soccer wasn’t the big picture anymore. We kept talking through email, text messaging, and phone calls. On March 5, we scheduled a visit for me to come down to see the Wesleyan campus. I finally got the chance to meet the guy I had been talking to all this time. On my visit I was welcomed by the Wesleyan staff, and applied for admission while I was there. Mr. Mike and I spent the whole day together and the bond between us got even stronger. We shared a few laughs and some soccer stories. The entire day he was telling me he really wanted me to play next year. I just laughed, told me I hoped so also. I spent the night on the campus and the next morning we parted ways.
Three weeks before my high school graduation I took my SATs. I got 950, now I was waiting for my acceptance letter from Wesleyan. During this time things with my Dad weren’t so good. I thought if I get accepted my worries would be over. I thought I could now leave the house and be by myself and do my own thing. On July 24th when the letter arrived in the mail I was nervous to open it. When I did I had been denied and it felt like my life was over and the world had stopped. Things were getting worse now for me. Early August my father got a new place down the street from were we lived in Fairfax. The day of the move my dad told me that I would not be moving in with me. He told me to find my own way and a new place to live. During all this Mr. Mike and I had been keeping in touch. Mr. Mike knew about the situation that I was having at home and wanted to help me out. The day that my dad was moving Mr. Mike just happen to be in Fairfax picking up so soccer equipment for the up coming season. He was up to date with the issue at hand. I gave him a call and he had some suggestions in mind. The next time I saw Mr. Mike was when he told me to get some clothes together that he would be in front of my house in 20 minutes. I got a couple of things together and was now heading to Virginia Beach. We left Fairfax round 6pm and arrived at the beach at 11pm. I was going to stay with whom now is my new father, and I was his new son. If it weren’t for him I would have spent the night on the street.
Mr. Mike He helped me get a job at Express at Lynnhaven Mall, and put me around people who are my new family. People like the soccer coaching staff at Virginia Wesleyan. Every night we would go out to eat and spend so time with each other. It was Mr. Mike, Mills the assistant men soccer coach, and women soccer coaches Jeff Bowers, Christina Koontz and the one and only Mario, who would always try to hit on the waitress were every we would go. Which was always funny to see cause he had no game. I stayed with Mr. Mike for a little more than 2 months then he found me a place to stay with some very nice people. James and Tammy Lockie. They welcomed me in there home with warm hearts and treated me like on of their own. I like to bug Tammy cause its very amusing to me, but she the best. Then Mr. Mike and Mills got me enrolled at TCC in which I am taking the second eight weeks course. If I do well I will reunite with Mr. Mike at Virginia Wesleyan.
To me Mike McFarland is Mr. Mike. While other people have guardian angels, and Cinderella had her fairy godmother, Mr. Mike did more than just wave a magic wand and take me to the ball. He showed me love. Love is something that I had not had before but he showed me what that was. My mother is back in Sierra Leone and I have never known what that motherly love was, because I haven’t seen her in 13 years. Mr. Mike showed me what that was in the short time that he has been in my life. In my life Mike McFarland or Mr. Mike is the person that has change my life
I started talking to Mr. Mike about a year ago when he was recruiting me to come to Virginia Wesleyan to play soccer for him on a soccer scholarship. During this time I was getting offers from Division I schools like ODU, Mason, JMU, and others. Wesleyan didn’t interest me very much. Mr. Mike would call me and we would talk now and then. I wanted to show respect so I listened to what he had to say to say. Then I started doing badly in school, the biggest mistake in my life. My grades started to drop and Division I soccer wasn’t an option for me anymore. Wesleyan was the only place that I felt I could come and play soccer. On our regular phone calls Mr. Mike and I would have long conversations just talking about life. Soccer wasn’t the big picture anymore. We kept talking through email, text messaging, and phone calls. On March 5, we scheduled a visit for me to come down to see the Wesleyan campus. I finally got the chance to meet the guy I had been talking to all this time. On my visit I was welcomed by the Wesleyan staff, and applied for admission while I was there. Mr. Mike and I spent the whole day together and the bond between us got even stronger. We shared a few laughs and some soccer stories. The entire day he was telling me he really wanted me to play next year. I just laughed, told me I hoped so also. I spent the night on the campus and the next morning we parted ways.
Three weeks before my high school graduation I took my SATs. I got 950, now I was waiting for my acceptance letter from Wesleyan. During this time things with my Dad weren’t so good. I thought if I get accepted my worries would be over. I thought I could now leave the house and be by myself and do my own thing. On July 24th when the letter arrived in the mail I was nervous to open it. When I did I had been denied and it felt like my life was over and the world had stopped. Things were getting worse now for me. Early August my father got a new place down the street from were we lived in Fairfax. The day of the move my dad told me that I would not be moving in with me. He told me to find my own way and a new place to live. During all this Mr. Mike and I had been keeping in touch. Mr. Mike knew about the situation that I was having at home and wanted to help me out. The day that my dad was moving Mr. Mike just happen to be in Fairfax picking up so soccer equipment for the up coming season. He was up to date with the issue at hand. I gave him a call and he had some suggestions in mind. The next time I saw Mr. Mike was when he told me to get some clothes together that he would be in front of my house in 20 minutes. I got a couple of things together and was now heading to Virginia Beach. We left Fairfax round 6pm and arrived at the beach at 11pm. I was going to stay with whom now is my new father, and I was his new son. If it weren’t for him I would have spent the night on the street.
Mr. Mike He helped me get a job at Express at Lynnhaven Mall, and put me around people who are my new family. People like the soccer coaching staff at Virginia Wesleyan. Every night we would go out to eat and spend so time with each other. It was Mr. Mike, Mills the assistant men soccer coach, and women soccer coaches Jeff Bowers, Christina Koontz and the one and only Mario, who would always try to hit on the waitress were every we would go. Which was always funny to see cause he had no game. I stayed with Mr. Mike for a little more than 2 months then he found me a place to stay with some very nice people. James and Tammy Lockie. They welcomed me in there home with warm hearts and treated me like on of their own. I like to bug Tammy cause its very amusing to me, but she the best. Then Mr. Mike and Mills got me enrolled at TCC in which I am taking the second eight weeks course. If I do well I will reunite with Mr. Mike at Virginia Wesleyan.
To me Mike McFarland is Mr. Mike. While other people have guardian angels, and Cinderella had her fairy godmother, Mr. Mike did more than just wave a magic wand and take me to the ball. He showed me love. Love is something that I had not had before but he showed me what that was. My mother is back in Sierra Leone and I have never known what that motherly love was, because I haven’t seen her in 13 years. Mr. Mike showed me what that was in the short time that he has been in my life. In my life Mike McFarland or Mr. Mike is the person that has change my life
Revised Essay
Light at the end of the Tunnel
We all know the Cinderella story where she had her fairy godmother come to save her in her time of great need. Since we do not live in fairy world I did not happen for me. For me my savior was a person that I would have never thought it would have been. I did not have a fairy godmother like Cinderella, but got something better. My savior was a Mike McFarland, or the named that I dubbed him Mr. Mike. Mr. Mike came into my life when there was nothing else going on for me, and all else had failed. I had lost all hope but he was my silver lining in my darkest moment. Mr. Mike got me on the right path and he continues to change my life.
I started talking to Mr. Mike about a year ago when he was recruiting me to come play soccer for him at Virginia Wesleyan College. At this time I was also getting call from DI programs. Mike and I would talk here and there; I didn’t find it to be anything serious because I thought I was going to be playing DI soccer. Also during this time my grades started to drop. DI soccer was not an option for me anymore. Wesleyan was now the only place that I felt I could come to play with other quality players. Then Mr. Mike and I started talking a lot more now. The relationship grew from the time that we had kept in touch. Our regular phone calls changed from talking about soccer but now more focused on life. Soccer was not the big picture anymore for him.
On March 5, we finally scheduled a visit for me to come down to see the Wesleyan campus. When I got down to Virginia Beach I finally got to meet the mystery man on the other side of the phone. Mr. Mike and I spend most of the day together. I got to find out a lot about him, come to know that we have a lot in common. We shared some laughs; I still think I am funnier that he is. We also shared soccer stories for the past. It was great to hear about all that he has done with soccer. It surprised me when he told me he was the all time men goal scorer are Wesleyan and he won there player of the year award. I just kept tell him that record is going to change and he was going to be come second after me. The entire day he was telling me he wanted to me be playing there next year. I told him I wanted to play for him also. This was a very fun day that we had together. We kicked it.
The next time I would meet Mr. Mike would not be in the same fun situation that we first met. On my visit I had also applied to Wesleyan. Soon after my high school graduation I got a letter in the mail for Wesleyan saying that I was not accepted. My whole world crashed. I didn’t know what to do. I was confused, thing at home were not going very well. Thing were going to get worse for me when my father told me that he had found a new place down the street from where we lived are the time. He also told me that he did not want me with him, for me to find my own place to stay and be out his life because he didn’t need me. At this point I couldn’t think of anything to do, it came as a shock to me. The only think that first came to my mind was to call Mr. Mike.
On the day of the move is when all this happen. I was hit with the “wft” like tell me earlier. I had nowhere to go. So when I called Mr. Mike he said if I had nowhere to go for me to get some clothes together and he was coming to pick me up. I thought well he lives three hours away, how would he just drive that long just to come pick me up. Come to my surprise he was right around the corner from where I lived. He had come to Fairfax to pick up so soccer equipment for the team that very day. When he left he took me down to Virginia Beach with him.
It is kind of a miracle to think the one day that I needed someone the most just happen to be within arm’s reach. I would have never thought so thing like this would ever happen to someone like me of all people. Someone that lived in Virginia Beach was right there the very time that I need him. That is some crazy shit. This is destiny. We then left Northern Virginia headed for Virginia Beach. That day God sent me my own personal savior to rescue me. If it was not for Mr. Mike I do not know where I would have slept that night. He put roof over my head.
While in Virginia Beach I spent a couple of months with Mr. Mike. During that time he got me enrolled at Tidewater Community College, where if I did well I would going him at Virginia Wesleyan. He helped me get a job at Express located in Lynnhaven Hall. Most of all Mr. Mike put people around me that are like family to me now. In the crew we have Mr. Mike himself; the assistant men coach Chris Mills, the clever guy. He needs to get himself a lady. The other crew members also include the women soccer coaching staff. Always were his little bag, always got girl problems, the head coach Jeff Bowers. You should have 99 problems but a bitch should not be one. The lady of the group we got Laura Koontz. She’s always praying thinking about god. She’s also the pretties’ one in the group. Last but not least we have Mario. Mario is the ladies man. He is always checking out some girl. These people always send their time together, at work or off work. That is how close they are.
This was the positive environment that Mr. Mike put me around. I was always spending time with them. In those two months I was a member of the crew. It was fun and a pleasure to get to see them at the end of every day. We would go out to eat and spend time with each other. I miss them a lot.
To me Mr. Mike is not my fairy godmother, but my savior and friend, father, he is everything to me. He was my silver lining at my darkest moment. He showed me something that I haven’t received much in my life. He showed me love. He treated me like I was his son, and I treated him as if he was my own father. In this short time that I have gotten to know him he has change my life in ways that no one would ever come close to do. My father and the person I love Mr. Mike has change my live today and tomorrow. He gave me a book to read and in the book it says life is about the relationships that we create and last forever. So I keep telling him this is a life partnership between him and I.
I started talking to Mr. Mike about a year ago when he was recruiting me to come play soccer for him at Virginia Wesleyan College. At this time I was also getting call from DI programs. Mike and I would talk here and there; I didn’t find it to be anything serious because I thought I was going to be playing DI soccer. Also during this time my grades started to drop. DI soccer was not an option for me anymore. Wesleyan was now the only place that I felt I could come to play with other quality players. Then Mr. Mike and I started talking a lot more now. The relationship grew from the time that we had kept in touch. Our regular phone calls changed from talking about soccer but now more focused on life. Soccer was not the big picture anymore for him.
On March 5, we finally scheduled a visit for me to come down to see the Wesleyan campus. When I got down to Virginia Beach I finally got to meet the mystery man on the other side of the phone. Mr. Mike and I spend most of the day together. I got to find out a lot about him, come to know that we have a lot in common. We shared some laughs; I still think I am funnier that he is. We also shared soccer stories for the past. It was great to hear about all that he has done with soccer. It surprised me when he told me he was the all time men goal scorer are Wesleyan and he won there player of the year award. I just kept tell him that record is going to change and he was going to be come second after me. The entire day he was telling me he wanted to me be playing there next year. I told him I wanted to play for him also. This was a very fun day that we had together. We kicked it.
The next time I would meet Mr. Mike would not be in the same fun situation that we first met. On my visit I had also applied to Wesleyan. Soon after my high school graduation I got a letter in the mail for Wesleyan saying that I was not accepted. My whole world crashed. I didn’t know what to do. I was confused, thing at home were not going very well. Thing were going to get worse for me when my father told me that he had found a new place down the street from where we lived are the time. He also told me that he did not want me with him, for me to find my own place to stay and be out his life because he didn’t need me. At this point I couldn’t think of anything to do, it came as a shock to me. The only think that first came to my mind was to call Mr. Mike.
On the day of the move is when all this happen. I was hit with the “wft” like tell me earlier. I had nowhere to go. So when I called Mr. Mike he said if I had nowhere to go for me to get some clothes together and he was coming to pick me up. I thought well he lives three hours away, how would he just drive that long just to come pick me up. Come to my surprise he was right around the corner from where I lived. He had come to Fairfax to pick up so soccer equipment for the team that very day. When he left he took me down to Virginia Beach with him.
It is kind of a miracle to think the one day that I needed someone the most just happen to be within arm’s reach. I would have never thought so thing like this would ever happen to someone like me of all people. Someone that lived in Virginia Beach was right there the very time that I need him. That is some crazy shit. This is destiny. We then left Northern Virginia headed for Virginia Beach. That day God sent me my own personal savior to rescue me. If it was not for Mr. Mike I do not know where I would have slept that night. He put roof over my head.
While in Virginia Beach I spent a couple of months with Mr. Mike. During that time he got me enrolled at Tidewater Community College, where if I did well I would going him at Virginia Wesleyan. He helped me get a job at Express located in Lynnhaven Hall. Most of all Mr. Mike put people around me that are like family to me now. In the crew we have Mr. Mike himself; the assistant men coach Chris Mills, the clever guy. He needs to get himself a lady. The other crew members also include the women soccer coaching staff. Always were his little bag, always got girl problems, the head coach Jeff Bowers. You should have 99 problems but a bitch should not be one. The lady of the group we got Laura Koontz. She’s always praying thinking about god. She’s also the pretties’ one in the group. Last but not least we have Mario. Mario is the ladies man. He is always checking out some girl. These people always send their time together, at work or off work. That is how close they are.
This was the positive environment that Mr. Mike put me around. I was always spending time with them. In those two months I was a member of the crew. It was fun and a pleasure to get to see them at the end of every day. We would go out to eat and spend time with each other. I miss them a lot.
To me Mr. Mike is not my fairy godmother, but my savior and friend, father, he is everything to me. He was my silver lining at my darkest moment. He showed me something that I haven’t received much in my life. He showed me love. He treated me like I was his son, and I treated him as if he was my own father. In this short time that I have gotten to know him he has change my life in ways that no one would ever come close to do. My father and the person I love Mr. Mike has change my live today and tomorrow. He gave me a book to read and in the book it says life is about the relationships that we create and last forever. So I keep telling him this is a life partnership between him and I.
1 comment:
"We shared some laughs; I still think I am funnier that he is." You are funny.
"Bitch...prettiest..." Isn't this an academic blog?
So destiny brought you to my classroom? Does this mean you're Anakin Skywalker to my Obi-Wan Kenobi and you plan on striking me down while I become more powerful than you can possibly imagine?
Other than that, thank you for sharing such a pathos laden story from your life. You do a fantastic job at evoking various emotions from your reader, from laughter to sympathy to happiness at the outcome. Great revision.
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